May 21, 2007

Okay, what the hell is with a migraine that never fully goes away? I practically gag at the thought of popping one more pill but what can I do? Short of loping my head off, which, quite frankly, I kinda need, I’m not sure what the solution is. Perhaps if someone would kick me in the ass, then my concentration would be on my butt and therefore, I’d forget my head pain. I’ll sleep on it.

I took my kids to see Shrek 3 this weekend and I personally thought it was really funny. The ‘critics’, whoever the hell they are, said there wasn’t ‘enough donkaaaay’ but let’s remember people, the movie is called Shrek, so if Shrek appears in the movie more than the donkey, then duh. I thought all the characters were funny and laughed quite alot, so there. Bite it.

My husband bought me a lawn mower and a weed whacker/whipper snipper/thinga-ma-jiggy, so I’m guessing that means my job is to mow the lawn. However, I don’t mind because I like a nice lawn and I know I’ll hire the 12 year old across the street anyways do a great job and make everyone proud.

We hit a few yard sales on Saturday but since it was the long weekend here, they were few and far between. We did find a handful of good deals though and as well, did see a whole lotta shit out there too. One lady was selling trophies. As in, someone, perhaps her son, won for hockey or golf or some such thing. Ah, ya, his name was on them too. So I guess if a Randy Stairs comes along and wants to pretend he won some stuff back in ’85, then maybe he’ll snatch those up. Another person was selling an old rotary phone from like 1980. In beige. Okay. It’s between an antique and out of date. So basically it means, it’s a piece of shit. Throw it out. Noone is going to buy it. Another lady was selling wire hangers. For $10. There were 7 in the pile. Listen, it’s a yard sale. People want deals. If you want to go into business with your wire hangers, fine. But selling them in a dirty cardboard box in your back yard isn’t going to make you rich. Just sayin’.

I did get 2 brand new picture frames for a dollar and a very nice lady gave my daughter a like new stuffed dog with a red leash and she was on happy high for the rest of the day. She called him doggie. Very original. My son got 2 hockey games, one for his computer and the other for his XBox, so he was also floating. Amazing how you can put a smile on your kid’s face for under $5 bucks. Dollar store here I come.

Oh speaking of Shrek again, I tried one of those McFlurry things from Rotten Ronnie’s today, the fudgy sludgy pudd n’ pie Shreky minty ones with pieces of fudge and candy in them. They look very green in the picture and claim to be mint flavoured with pieces of fudge. Sounds good in theory. Not so good in real. First off, the guy waiting on me, only gave me half of the small that I ordered. Sure I don’t necessarily need more jiggle to my ass by eating a whole small McFlurry but dammit, if I’m paying for the fucker, then I want the full small. Not half a small. Get it bud? Ya. Second, he didn’t mix it well enough, so most of the green coloring or whatever it was, toxic dayglo shit for all I know, was all clumped at the bottom of the cup. Third, it did not, I repeat, did not taste the least bit minty. False advertisement people! Unless dinkledorf forgot to mix the mint flavour into it, which based on his skills performing his tasks, is entirely, very possible. And lastly, the bits and pieces of ‘chocolate covered candy’, were in fact, rock covered candy and I’m pretty sure I broke a few teeth. I highly recommend NOT eating one no matter how much you love Shrek. Or maybe just don’t order it from the Mickey Dee’s at the Walmart I go to. Beware is all I’m sayin’.

It’s midnight and that means my pumpkin is going to rot or my stage coach is going to turn into a pumpkin or my bed is going to melt into pumpkin pie……..see, I’m tired and can’t even get that right. Sweet pumpkin, err, dreams.

May 14, 2007

Oh right, moms work 24/7, even on, you guessed it, Mother’s Day. I forgot. So even though this was ‘my’ day, I still had to be a mom. Funny that.

We couldn’t decide on what to do for our family day. We had wanted to go to a movie but there wasn’t really anything playing that the kids wanted to see. So after much humming and hawing, we decided to take the kids to the Shrine Circus, to which Ryan proclaimed that he hated circuses.

You’ve never been to one though. How can you hate it?

I hate the circus.

After much protesting, we convinced him to go. It said on the website, that the show started at 1pm. We arrived at about 12:54 and my husband kicked me out of the truck to go stand in the insanely long ticket line while he parked. He had tossed me his banking card. The line is moving fairly quickly, so I’m thinking that I’ll get the tickets before one and we’ll get half decent seats. I finally make my way to the front of the line, get to the ticket window and ask the guy if they take debit. Nope. Just cash.

Ah, can you make an exception?

Right.

So out of the line I get and go find my husband in the parking lot. I tell him the great news, that I stood in the mile long line up for nothing and that we need to have cold hard cash or we ain’t gettin’ in that damn big top.

We go into the mall and as we’re looking around for the debit machine, he’s telling me to get back outside and get back into the line. Fantastic. I head out and hop back into the now even longer line up, again waiting for my turn. I look to my right and see a frigging bank machine set up just outside the circus tent. Good Lord, couldn’t the guy at the ticket booth have maybe, oh, MENTIONED THAT?

I called my husband on his cell and tell him to forget searching the mall for a cash machine, that’s there’s one right in front of me. He comes back out and I see Ryan smiling. Oh, good maybe he’s got a better attitude about going to the circus now and we’ll actually have a drama free afternoon in a hot, giant tent. While standing in line, there were people passing out coupons that would save us a few bucks on the admission price, so I took 4 and that would only cost us $40 bucks to get in. My husband brings the cash over to me just as I get to the front of the line again and I hand the girl the 4 $10 each passes and the forty bucks. She carefully counts out the tickets THREE times and then says, ‘that’ll be forty dollars please’. Ah, ya, well I just handed you forty dollars, so I’m not about to hand you another forty. ‘Oh you did’? Yes. ‘Oh, I guess you did’. Ya think?

As we’re making our way to the front entrance of the tent, my son turns to me and asks if he should go to the truck now?

What? Why would you go to the truck?

I’m not going to like this. It’s stupid.

I can hear the panic setting in now, so I bend down to his level and explain that there are no scary clowns (I hope to God there aren’t), no man eating tigers nor will anyone call on him to perform in the big ring, so not to worry.

We get in and find some seats and then the crying begins. I see my husband talking to Ryan but whatever he’s saying it’s not working. I get Ryan to come over and sit beside me, where I let him lean on me and tell him to relax and that the circus might be fun and he might actually find parts of it entertaining. He’s not buying it however and is begging me to let him leave. Well since you’re a 5th grader and not in college, sorry but that will not be taking place. After much hugging, back rubbing and hushed tones to calm him, he settles in to watch but assures me that he’s going to hate every minute of it and that he’ll never go to another circus again. Fine by me because as I’m sitting in the hot, dark tent, remembering how I took Sean and Matt to the same freakin’ circus 12 years earlier, I forgot how much the circus tent smells like sweat, B-O and urine fun it really is. You know buddy, I’m thinking I’ll never go to another circus again either. You might be on to something there.

After two and one half very long hours, the show is finally over and Ryan lets me know that he hated it (even though I caught him laughing at things several times during the show) and he was relieved it was over. I can’t say as I totally blame the kid because after inhaling the nasty scent of what seemed to be stale pee and elephant shit co-mingled, I was sorta relieved that the circus was over too.

All in all it was a nice day even though I had to work overtime to console a weepy, paniced kid, smell elephant body odour/pee/poo, listen to tattling, put up with some whining, break up a fight and clean up a few messes. I also got some nice hugs, a phone call, some kisses, homemade pictures, a new purse and a whole lot of ‘I love you’s’.