Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!

Archive for the 'Kids' Category

September 9, 2009



I’m not sure, but I think today is the day the world blows up.  I mean it is September 9, 2009 – 09/09/09.  That is some scary shit.  Or maybe it’s the medication I took?  I’m not entirely sure.  Oh, and? this shit will be rambling.

I’ve been sick for the past few days, I guess it’s the flu? combined with I’ve BEEN HIT BY A TRUCK feeling.  It’s all kinds of awesomesauce <— to quote a friend.  I’ll be better tomorrow, I swear.  If I have to beat the fucker silly, this flu is leaving tomorrow.  Again, I’m all tough and shit probably because of the medication.  I’m likely not able to fight my way out of a brown paper bag if truth be told.  Also?  I just realized I have written “shit” way too many times and I’m not done rambling.  This is da shit.  Sorry, could.not. help myself.

Yesterday, my grown (boys in men’s bodies, let us remember that) sons were both here (one has moved back in, I swear I will think only good thoughts) and within a five minute conversation, they called me cool and retarded.  I think that was mostly good.  They do annoy the ever-living shit out of me crack me up when they’re together, here, talking, especially when I’m trying to work.  Good times.

So far, this 09/09/09 day is not that exciting (take for instance, this post…you’ve fallen asleep).  It’s just before 7 a.m. and nothing has blown up yet.  Don’t believe all the hype, people.  Just do not.  Or maybe 09/09/09 means unicorns will fly out of my butt?  Now there’s something…

I have to go to the bank today, you know, before the world blows up.  I hope I get the teller that likes to look at my cleavage.  He’s fantastic, the way he thinks my eyes are on my tits.  Silly man.  Sure, I usually wear my bikini top, but that is no excuse.

I might be productive today, or I may not.  I mean it’s practically a vacation day, what with the I’M FAIRLY CERTAIN I’M DYING feeling and it being 09/09/09.  Permissions granted, etc.

I had a dream about Adam Lambert last night.  It was good.  He was here, helping me set up the 60 inch flat screen TV he purchased for me and then he sang for me.  In my living room.  It was a nice dream and I hated to wake up considering I had only been asleep for 2 hours at that point.  Oh well, such is my sleeping pattern.  I’m the two-to-four hours kinda girl.

Did I tell you that my daughter is a teenager?  And an annoying one to boot? Sure, she’s just 9, but she acts like she’s 15.  She wanted to use my credit card yesterday to sign up for some site that you can buy clothes and thought *I* was being unreasonable for not allowing her to go into my purse, take out my wallet, slip my credit card out of it’s little slot and enter all of my information into said website and just purchase a few items.  Right.  Let me get on that, like now, princess.  Has hell frozen over?  No?  OK, good, because I was all worried and shit.

Wow, it’s still 09/09/09 and yet the only thing exciting to happen so far is my youngest son said I need to learn to understand English because clearly I don’t since I didn’t wash the shirt he had asked me to wash yesterday.  Apparently, he could be right.

To my MM vacation girls – I SWEAR I WILL FINISH MY POST ABOUT OUR VACATION BEFORE 2009 IS OVER.  Holy hell, it’s long and youtube (THANK YOU) has been taking 2+ hours to upload EACH video and when I was uploading six videos the other night, yeah, my browser crashed and only one uploaded.  UGH.  Gee, the vacation only ended about 3 1/2 weeks ago.  Yes Sassy, you suck.  I know.  I do.  I will get it done.  Hopefully, it doesn’t bore the (I was going to say shit, but I will use self control) crap (<—that is technically not “shit”) out of you.  I will apologize in advance.  Although, one thing is for certain… Kev on the stripper pole?  Hot.  I mean, he’s so gross.

OK, must cut this, uh, stuff (self control accomplished!) short because no doubt you’re drooling on your keyboard since you’ve died in your sleep because this has been beyond boring.  Hey, it’s 09/09/09, so later, the world is exploding and you will get that excitement you thought you were going to get here but didn’t.  See?  All works out in the end.

I aim high.

Posted by Sassy @ 8:52 amJust Stuff.,Kids,Nonsense6 comments  

August 27, 2009

Daughter is 9, going on 15. And a smartass.


My youngest child is nine, yet she totally acts like she’s 15.  I’m not sure where she gets her sassy attitude and smartass mouth from, but some days, she’s a handful.

She started grade four today and also a new school and I figured she would be nervous.  I mean, I used to get nervous on my first day of school, even when I had been at the same school for years.

Are you nervous? I asked her last night.

Get a life, mother. I’m too intelligent to get nervous.

Oh, well, I used to get nervous on my first day.  Especially if I was starting a new school, you know, new people, and all that.  And?  I’m not too shabby in the smarts department, so that really has nothing to do with if a person gets nervous or not.

Uh huh.  She yawns.

She slept like a rock, I,on the other hand, did not.  Not that I slept well as it is, but add some anxiety and I’m tossing and turning for sure.  Actually, daughter slept so heavily, that it took me almost 20 minutes to drag her pretend-teenager butt out of bed this morning.

You really have to get up, like now.  Really?  Ten minutes ago would have been ideal.  I don’t want to be late, your first day and all.

Mother, we won’t be late.  I just need five more minutes.

I cave and give her the five more minutes and she finally saunters downstairs.

Hey, good morning.  Are you totally nervous?

We had this conversation last night, mom.  Hello?  Gah.

Did you just ‘gah’ me?

Yep.  Where are my new clothes?

I’m shocked.  You have ‘grrr’d’ and now you’ve ‘gah’d’ me. Um, yeah, clothes.  On the chair.  Are you sure you’re OK?


OK, just checking.

We leave with 25 minutes to spare, so I’m starting to relax, that is, until we are on our way and my child drops a bombshell on me.



Um, you’re not going to kiss me, are you?

When?  Ever?  What do you mean?

I mean today.  Like at the school.  Please.  Mom.  Do not kiss me.

Why can’t I kiss you?

Um, hello?  I’m nine.

Yes, exactly.  You’re NINE.

Right.  And I’m starting a new school and going to be making friends, so I don’t need my mom getting all mushy and stuff.

Mushy and stuff?  It’s a kiss.  From your mother.

If you don’t promise not to kiss me, I won’t even let you walk with me to the doors.

I have to promise not to kiss my own child?

Yes.  Promise me.  Like promise, mom.

OK. Fine.  I promise I won’t kiss you.

Say today.  I promise I won’t kiss you today, on your first day or any other day that you drop me off or pick me up.

Hey now, that wasn’t part of the deal.


Fine.  No kissing at school.

And no crying either.  Like not one bit, mother.

I won’t cry.  I’m past crying.

Yeah, right.

No, I haven’t cried since you went to Kindergarten.

Uh huh.

We get to the school, and I make sure I walk 10 paces behind her.  Heaven forbid any of her potential friends see her with her mother.

We eventually find the designated spot for grade four students and her demands do not end.

You should probably go sit over there with the other students.

Mom, said in a hushed, evil whisper.

What?  I’m just sayin’.

Don’t just say.  Like, really, you don’t need to stay.  I’m fine.

But it’s your first day, I should be here, wait for them to call your name to go to your class.

OMG mom.  I’m not a baby.

I know, but you’re my baby.

OMG. If you start crying, I’m pretending I don’t know you.

Just then, one of the teachers spoke up and thanked all of the parents still waiting, but basically kicked our asses out, to which my child displayed a very clear visible sign of relief splash across her face.

I turn to her, was almost set to break my promise to kiss her, but she had already moved to sit with the other students.  I smiled and waved and? Yeah, she rolled her eyes.

Fiesty little spitfire with a smart mouth and big attitude.  I think someone else birthed her, certainly couldn’t have ben me.  I am so no like that.  At all.

Posted by Sassy @ 5:52 pmKids6 comments  

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