Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!

Archive for the 'Movies That Suck' Category

July 7, 2008

One of those days.

Did you ever have one of those days where you’d just like to punch someone in the face just to make yourself feel better? Trust me, it doesn’t always work. Sorry to the old lady down the street. Ha.

I decided late last night that I would watch the movie The Ruins. If you’ve not seen it, you lucky bastard and if you have, aww, I’m sorry. I’ve been wanting to see it for some time and boy am I glad I stayed up until 2:40 a.m. to see it to the end (drip, drip, drip with sarcasm). But this isn’t about the movie…

I crawled into bed shortly before 3 a.m. not really concerned that it was so late – after all, it’s summer vacation and it’s Sunday, so no need to get up super early. Hell, if my body will let me, I might even sleep in until 9-ish. However, things don’t always work out the way you plan them in your dreams. I was abruptly roused from a deep sleep at about 5 a.m by my husband, who so sweetly informed me it was my turn to get up with the kids. Huh? The kids? Aren’t they sleeping? Oh no, they’re not – they’ve been puking all over their rooms.

I stumble out of bed, half drunk-like because I’d only been alseep for about 2 hours and here I am walking into a danger zone. My son is in his bed, sleeping since hubby had gotten up with him and cleaned him up. Which, sounds great but when I walked into the kids bathroom, there was a little present for me in the form of splattered vomit all over the sink, countertop and mirror. I back out of the crime scene room and head into my daughter’s room. She’s standing beside her bed, looking very pale and apologizing that she got a wee bit of barf on her pj shirt.

I tell her it’s okay, and at that point, am thinking, okay, so it’s just the bathroom that’s a disaster but daughter’s room is untarnished, just her little tee a bit yucky, which we can strip off and put a new one on. Simple! No. Not simple.

I take her shirt off and get a clean one out and as I’m pushing her hair back, I realize it’s wet. Ya, not from having a bath several hours ago but from upchuckness. I go closer to her bed to inspect it, and all three of her blankets were bombed and her pillow. Not so unscathed after all.

Now normally, although it’s a gross prospect cleaning up puke, I would relish in the fact that I could dump the barfy bedding in the washer and turn it on and then just dry it in the morning. However, we don’t have a washer or a dryer. Our new house didn’t come with them, so although we’re obviously going to purchase a set, we haven’t yet. So that means, uh, I have to ball up the bedding and put it in my future laundry room and drive it to our other house and wash it later.

I get my child cleaned up, make her bed, put her back in bed and go tackle their bathroom. After a bottle of bleach and 2 rolls of paper towels, I finally get back in bed, only to be awake again in less than 2 hours. You see where this is going. The kids were lethargic most of the day with frequent trips to the bathroom – well, I should say all three bathrooms. They couldn’t just pick on room to barf in, nope, they liked variety, therefore I spent my day cleaning three bathrooms on rotation. Oh ya, and add to the mix, I got what they had and although I didn’t actually toss anything, I felt queasy most of the day, laying on the couch inbetween bathroom scrubbings.

Not exactly how I planned on spending my Sunday. My kids had a break of being sick for about 2 hours in the evening but were soon back to the sickness. Both went to bed early and I’m crossing my fingers that they sleep through the night….except, oh you’re kidding me….I hear someone up and it’s midnight….

Better get my rubber gloves on and get out my scrub pail. Sweet freakin’ dreams.

Posted by Sassy @ 1:00 amJust Stuff.,Kids,Movies That Suck2 comments  

May 17, 2008

Sassy’s Movie Review: Cloverfield

I watch a fair amount of movies – my favs are ‘scare the shit out of you’ kinda movies, doesn’t necessarily have to be gory, but I want to jump out of my skin mmkay?

Have you seen the movie Cloverfield? If you have, my condolences. If not, I’m going to save you a raging migraine and the urge to vomit. Oh – you don’t barf because it’s gory, oh no, it’s worse than that.

The basic movie premise – if you seriously want to see this, stop reading now, because I am going to have spoilers, which really aren’t spoilers because anyone with an IQ of higher than say 3, can figure out the plotline (?) and ending (?).

I had read comments on the internet about how crappy this movie was, but no, I can’t listen. I just have to find out for myself, can’t take anyone’s word for it. Nope, not me. I will say, you may want to take a motion sickness pill (or 5) before watching the film and maybe not eat. A full stomach probably won’t be good.

I’m not sure what exactly you call the style of camera work that was used for the movie – wait, SHITTY? Is that the word I’m looking for? I get the fact that the movie maker wanted a feeling of ‘some guy filming the horror that took place’ because that’s the general plotline – some average joe with his best friend’s video camera “documenting” the night before his friend is to go away to Japan for some job or hookers (I forget). However, even myself, as an average chick with a video camera can do a way better job than the assclown in the movie. Seriously, the WHOLE movie is shot with motion that is so whacked out, you get dizzy in the first 5 minutes. A dog with NO LEGS and a HAND held video camera could have done a better job. Sure, wiggle the camera around once in awhile, to give it that average dude filming sorta feeling but really, the whole Blair Witch Project movie making is so 1990′s. It’s done.

The acting – oh the acting. The main character, can’t remember his name, even though I watched it 6 hours ago, was okay. He wasn’t horrible and was relatively cute, so that helped. The guy “shooting” the video in the movie, uh, not really cute and he tried to be funny (I think?) and it didn’t work. And really, these people, should have been a bit more weirded out due to the fact that there’s a giant alien/serpent/lizard/snake creature torturing the residents of New York City. Oh and there were some other creatures – looked like giant mosquitos, with a shark’s mouth and they ate people. Do I even need to keep talking about this?

I’m still fighting the migraine that this movie gave me. I know, I should have stopped watching it but every 2 minutes, I was sure it was going to improve. Sadly, it did not. If I wanted a pounding headache, I really could have just stabbed myself with a screwdriver or smashed my head on a brick. Same difference. I lost one hour and 13 minutes of my life that I cannot get back! Can I get a refund? Sadly no, but I am thankful I wasn’t one of the poor suckers who actually paid big bucks to watch this in a movie theater. I can’t even imagine watching this on a giant screen. I had read that some people, after seeing it at theater, had to leave because they were actually tossing their cookies. I totally believe it.

Let’s wrap up because even talking of it 6 hours after the fact, is making me dizzy all over again. If you want to feel nauseous, dizzy and end up with a sickening headache, go rent it now! Oh and if you’re into crap acting, then another good reason to get it. And let’s not forget the whole premise of the movie – dumb. The ending sucks too – all of the main characters die by the way (told you to stop reading way up there, so don’t get pissy at me), and you don’t really know if they contained the creature or if it ate the whole world. See? Suckage. Seriously, you’d have more fun if you took an hour and shoved peanuts up your nose. Take my word for it.

Posted by Sassy @ 8:34 pmMovies That Suck5 comments  






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