Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!

Archive for the 'Ring-a-ding..wrong number AGAIN' Category

February 24, 2007

I’m bored.

I really, really should be doing laundry right now. You know what though? My laundry isn’t going anywhere, so I say, to hell with it. Except, that I do need my laundry because it’s basically my clothes and I’m not going out in public naked. At least not today.

Did I tell you that my neighbours still have their Christmas tree up? Yup, they do. I don’t think it’s so much the old man that is in charge of the tree, I believe it’s the old battleaxe wife that is so weird that she can’t tell if it’s December or if I’ve punched her in her ugly someone’s shat on my face kinda face or that it’s actually February. I think they still have their Halloween lights up too. Freaks.

I’m going to another hockey game tonight. Isn’t that just the shiznat? Amazing really because this is only my second time. Remember I was a hockey virgin just last month? Well I’m reminding you. Geez, you have a short memory. Have you been drinking? You should lean towards the example I set, and that is being sloshed 24/7 a model person who never does anything that would make anyone’s eyebrows go up in shock. I’m all innocent like that. Near perfect really. It’s kind of embarrassing. Oh well. Such is life.

Oh ya, I forgot to tell you about my wrong number. They follow me like flies to shit. Ah. Hmm. Anyway, goes like this:


Hi, is Mrs. Begoenogowiulknlngsslijtoy there? (People never get my last name right. And it really sounds like it looks) (Ah that’s not my real last name. It aint’ that fucking weird.)

Ah ya, sure, close enough.

I’m wondering if you would prefer a new phone, 2 extras for 2 months for free or 5% off of your bill for 5 months?

What? Who is this?

Oh I’m calling from *insert stupid phone company name here*.

Well I’m quite happy with the company we’re with now. Thanks anyway.

I’m thinking, that my last sentence pretty much signals the end of our stimulating conversation but alas it does not.

If you could just tell me which ‘free’ option you’d like, then I can get you started.

Get me started on what? Unless you’re offering me a free trip to Africa, $10,000 in cash, a new car and a hot massage, I’m not biting.

Excuse me? Ah, well, I, ah, well we can give you a free phone. *Insert asinine fucking retarded fake laugh here*

I have 2 phones that I’m happy with, we get along very well.

Well you could get the 2 extras such as call waiting and call forwarding, and they’d be free for 2 months! Two months!

Wow! Fantastic. But I get SIX free features with my current phone service provider. All. The. Time.

You could save 5% off of your total bill for 5 months!!!!!!!!

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No.

Can I just…….

Listen, I know it’s your job to call me and mispronounce my name even though it’s quite simple to pronounce (my daughter could spell it for shits sake at age 2) and I know you’re all excited when you tell me about your ‘free stuff’ but I’m telling you, I’m not switching. Never. Ever.

But you can even keep your same phone number!

Super. I’m still not switching. You have yourself a nice day now. See ya. And by see ya, I mean I’m going to get out my voodoo doll and stick needles in it, pretending it’s you. What’s your name again?

Are you sure……….

I hung up. Geez. Like I have things to do mister annoying telephony man. I have M&M’s to look after. I have hair to flat iron. I have booze that requires my attention church functions to attend. Sigh. It’s hard being me.

Okay, time to get in the shower. It’s like 1pm-ish and here I’ve sat for most of the day. I did clean earlier and feed my kids so it’s not like I did nothing. Close to it but not quite. Ya’ll (don’t I sound cute when I say that? No? Well then.) have a super friggin’ Saturday.

Posted by Sassy @ 3:24 pmCrappy Neighbors,I want to Punch You in the Neck,Just Stuff.,Ring-a-ding..wrong number AGAIN6 comments  

November 15, 2005

Telephone Confusion.

Ring Ring Ring.

Me:Hi, is this Dance on Edge dance studio?
Me:Oh hi, this is Maddy B’s mom and I just wanted to let you know that she’s not able to make dance class tonight.
Me:This is Maddy B’s mom and I just wanted to let you know that she’s not able to make dance class tonight.
Me:Ok, well can you please pass the message along to her teacher please?
Me:Ummm is this Dance on Edge?
Me:This is the dance studio?
A few seconds of silence, muffled sounds, then a man’s voice.
Me:Hi, is this Dance on Edge?
Me:Ok good. Can you please tell my daughter’s dance teacher that she’s unable to make class.
Man:What class?
Me:Ummmm tonight’s ballet class. At 6:30. The one that starts in 25 mins.
Man:Ok, what you want?
Me:What I want? I want you to give my daughter’s dance teacher a message. PLEASE. Can you do that? Is this the dance studio?
Man:Yes. Dance.
Me:Ok, my child is supposed to be at the 6:30 class TONIGHT but she can’t make it, so could you kindly let her teacher know?
Man:What teacher?
Me:Ok, am I on Candid Camera? Is this Dance on Edge dance studio??????
Me:Ok because I was worried this was the FREAKIN’ TWILIGHT ZONE.
Man:I don’t get it.
Me:Please give the teacher the message.
Man:What you want?
Me:I want you to take the biggest banana you can find and then I want you to shove it up your nose and then I want you to drive rusty nails in your eyes….no, no, wait, drive rusty nails in my eyes because clearly I’m going insane and I’d rather die of some kind of rusty nail poisoning than to try to get through your brain that is clearly made of mush or shit, not sure which. Maybe mushy shit. Anyhoooo, if you could give my daughter’s teacher the message I’d really, super appreciate it.
Man:What you want?
Me:OMG shoot me now.
***Note*** I flushed my head in the toilet after this, banged my head on a brick wall 8 times, drove toothpicks under my nails and watched Britney Spears videos to torture myself because obviously I am going nuts.

Posted by Sassy @ 9:13 pmRing-a-ding..wrong number AGAIN3 comments  

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