Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!

Archive for the 'Tagged N’ Shit' Category

June 18, 2007

Monday’s Memo.

Oh I have some news: I’ve been tagged again! Do you know what this means? No? Lemme tell ya. It means that elephants will stampede through your house. I’m so not even kidding.

Okay, beautiful Bella has tagged me and why? Because she thinks I’m a lonely bag lady super fabulous, that’s why. Apparently I’m supposed to tell you 8 random facts/habits about myself, which I know you are dying to know. And why wouldn’t you be dying to know? You have nothing better to do, that’s why. Here are the rules:

Each player starts with eight random facts and/or habits about themselves.
People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Let’s get started shall we? Ya.

I like Strawberries & Cream drinks from Starbucks (and Melie, my sweet friend is shipping me a whole crate of them. I think. Or maybe she said she was going to punch me in the face. I dunno.). And by like them, I mean I will kill for them. For real. I’ll cut you if you if you try to butt in line ahead of me, thus making it take longer for me to get my drink on. Stand back.

I am terrified of spiders. I don’t care if they’re small, cartoon-y looking, pink with sparkles, have bags of money to give me, look at me lovingly or are big, hairy and smelly. I hate all spiders equally. I’m fair like that.

I clean my house alot. I clean my bathroom just about every.single.day. Why? I’m not sure. I just really like my house to be tidy and neat and smell nice, which reminds me, I have to clean my house………………………

Miss me? Okay, continuing on:

I sleep with a fan on. I like the ‘white’ noise of the fan to sleep and I also like it facing toward me. I like to be blown. on.

I have the worst luck with cashiers & customer service people who I have to contact about any given problem about any given product I might have issues with. Never fails. I get the dumb ones, the rude ones, the morons, the ones who want to hit me hit on me, the people who have no time for my whiny bullshit sweetness and who generally just do not have any desire to help me. I really don’t understand those people having the self control not to kick me in the neck not wanting to do their best for me. Hello? I’m so worth it.

I love the song Stayin’ Alive by the Bee Gees. Make fun of me and I’ll get all ninja-y on you. Try me.

I despise sneakers. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I hate them. I do have a pair to work out in but I actually shudder when I have to put them on. I actually kinda throw up in my mouth when I think of sneakers. Let’s stop talking about them now.

My new wake up time is 5:30am. I wake up every morning now at 5:30am. Why? Anyone who can answer that question for me, will be nicely rewarded. How? Oh you just might as well hold your damn breath wait and see.

I’m a rebel. What do I mean by that? Well this is fact NUMBER 9, so that means I didn’t do the EIGHT facts as I was instructed to do, and that my friends, makes me a rebel. Ha. I laugh in the face of rules.

I’m also going to break another rule. I am supposed to tag 8 people but since I know two thousands of people, it wouldn’t be fair to only list 8 of them. So since I’ve stated that I’m a rebel, I’m going to say, if you come here and read this, consider yourself tagged (you can thank me later with cash) and then I will seek and find you and come and see what you wrote about me, it’s all about me yourself.

Well it’s that time again, it’s been 5 minutes: time to clean my bathroom. Gotta go get my Mr Clean on.

Posted by Sassy @ 11:42 amTagged N' Shit4 comments  

May 23, 2007

Depends, drool and white hair.

I have been tagged people by Chris and you know what that means? That means she thinks I’m getting old fabulous and loves me. She’s tagged me with with the following two things, which I will now share with you. I know you’re dying to know as usual. Why? Because I fight crime with my insanity beauty and anyone who can do that, well, people want to know everything about them.

WHEN I AM AN OLD WOMAN, I HOPE TO:

1. Be able to chew properly. I hope to keep all of my own teeth and not have some kind of set that you drop in a glass on the nightstand. The thought of my teeth floating beside my bed, brings shivers to my spine.

2. Not shit myself. I’ve not so far (well I did that one time back in the day but I was one, so I don’t think that counts), but seeing as I’m only 39 25, I don’t think I have to worry about that right away unless I eat some really bad seafood and there’s no indoor plumbing near by. However, I’m not very concerned about it at this moment in time.

3. Still have sex. Even if my husband perishes before me, I hope to have some sort of swingin’ lifestyle that will provide this old gal with some pleeeeeeaaaaa-sure if you know what I’m sayin’. You know, right now, the thought of old lady me getting it on, is well, making me sorta nauseous. I think I might need to find that indoor plumbing now. Be right back.

4. Be able to wipe my own rear. I will invent some sort of wiper should my arms become too fragile to do the job by themselves. No way will I hire someone to do any sort of wiping for me. Just not happening people, just not happening.

5. Still be semi hot. Not hot as in ‘oh I have a fever and nasty rash’ hot, but old lady hot. I think this one might be a pipe dream but I could be senile by then anyway, so let’s just go with it mmmkay?

Onto the next part, which, you’re just holding your breath waiting for. Maybe I should do part 2 tomorrow and make you dream about me all night long. I’m not that cruel, however. You can still dream about me though.

WHEN I AM AN OLD WOMAN, I WILL NOT:

1. Tell you how many times I passed gas before noon. Besides, people like me,liars princesses, don’t pass gas. It’s a true fact people.

2. Have short, old lady bad perm hair. I like my hair. I’ve not always liked my hair and it’s taken me many years to come to fall in like with it, so I will not cut it all off and make it all curly and gray. I will dye it. I will leave it sorta long, probably not as long as it is now but I will not have short, white, carpet hair. Sure the other wrinkly broads at the old folks home will hate me but so what? Eat it betches.

3. Wear polyester stretch pants or blouses with ruffles or undershirts (not sure if old women wear undershirts, maybe that’s old men, whatever, I’m not wearing them), wear giant ‘granny panties’, soft soled nurse type shoes or elastic waisted anythings. If I look like a retarded asshat wearing my lowcut lacy black bra under my sexy white tee and my tight jeans with the hot high heeled boots, that’s my business. I’ll cut you.

4. Have bunions. I will cut them off before I walk around with fungus on my feet or whatever the hell bunions are. I will file that fucker off before I walk around with an gross lump on my pretty little feet.

5. Have a turkey neck. There is no need for one. Honestly, wrap that baby up, clip it, tape it, sand it, get surgery, something. Just no need to walk around, all flappy and shit.

And there you have it. My old lady list of do’s and don’ts. I’m sure you’ll all be sleeping like babies tonight, just having that much more information on me. I’m thoughtful like that. Thank you Chris for tagging me. I’m pretty sure you said you’d pay me like $235 for doing this, so check’s in the mail right? Right.

*Edit* I’d list some people to tag but having five 895 fans is a bit much to list and I’d feel horrible if I left anyone out. So if you feel like doing this, do it and come back and tell me you did it. I, however, will not pay you like Chris is paying me. We have a special relationship.

Posted by Sassy @ 9:07 pmTagged N' Shit8 comments  






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