Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!

Archive for the 'White Trashy' Category

December 3, 2008

Sloppy seconds…Sean Avery

By now you’ve heard what Dallas left wing player Sean Avery said on TV – if you haven’t, you can watch the video below. He sure is classy. Reminds me of…oh let’s see…6th grade.

Listen, I get it – some guys just can’t handle the fact that their girlfriends dump them – especially for another guy who happens to play in the same profession. Actress Elisha Cuthbert dumped Avery’s douchenozzle ass back in August of ’07 and she’s now dating Calgary Flames defenceman Dion Phaneuf (go Phaneuf!…yes he’s my second fav after Iggy) and while Sean views that as “sloppy seconds,” I say she’s moved up. Big time.

Obviously Avery wants the world to know he has a small penis. Now, technically, I’ve never seen his penis nor do I want to, but that’s what it amounts to. It’s the ‘my dick is bigger than your dick’ thing, which, when the guy going on and on about it, is obviously sporting a small wang (can you even call a small penis a wang? I think maybe you can’t…sorry Avery) and he has to get down and dirty to fight back. And poor Sean can’t even make up for his small dick (and balls I’m assuming too) with a winning personality – that’s shitty too.

Maybe we should have a pity party for Sean Avery. I mean he’s been suspended by the NHL indefinitely (now, I think that punishment might be a bit harsh, even though his comments were childish and petty, but that’s besides the point), he’s not man enough to keep his women (he was dating Rachel Hunter and after they broke up, she began dating and is now engaged to Los Angeles Kings player Jarret Stoll) and he’s got a crappy personality. Plus, he’s lacking in the looks department. Sure, he’s not as ugly as a can of smashed assholes, but see, when you have a douchey personality, people can’t see your looks. Even Brad Pitt’s looks level went down (not that Avery is a ‘brad pitt’, but you know what I mean) when he cheated on Jen but that’s another story. Okay, to be fair, Avery was on People’s 2007 Sexiest Man Alive list, but I’m pretty sure he was categorized under ‘sexiest assholes.’ Hey, assholes are people too right?

On a happy note for Avery, he is one of the most hated players in the league, so that’s something to hang on to. And with Tuesday night’s comments, it appears he’s hoping to keep that title. *Insert clapping here* Embrace what you can Sean! Woot!

So Avery, time to move on dude – Elisha has moved on (and up!!!) with Dion and he’s way more man than you’ll ever be.

Classy:

Posted by Sassy @ 9:52 amEmbarrassing,White Trashy4 comments  

June 13, 2007

Some thoughts and observations.

Here’s a piece of mind blowing information for you: I don’t use soap on my body. I’m not saying I don’t bathe or shower, but I’m saying I don’t like the feeling of my skin being dried out, so I don’t use soap. Instead, I use Baby Dove. I mean it’s in the shape of a bar of soap but they claim it’s not soap and I do believe them because my skin isn’t all dry and flakey and I will cut them if they’re lying to me. So this is where I get a little creeped out. I was watching tv yesterday and a commerical came on for Dove chocolate. Chocolate, as in, that yummy brown stuff we all like to eat and/or smear on ourselves and have it……nevermind. See, I kinda have a problem with the people who create my bathing products, now creating things we can supposedly eat. Like is it really stomach friendly? Or is it just a chocolate bath product and if we actually ate it, we’d get the trots or some other toilet issue? I’m sorta skeptical and I’m doubting I will eat Dove chocolate. I mean it looks like chocolate but it could be a conspiracy and we all know how those go. Moving right along.

Not that you care but did you hear this? Remember Kevin Federline? He’s that wanna be supastar, who wears his pants well below his ass line, big white sneakers, crooked hat and wife beater, who used to be shacked up with Shar Jackson, implanted his seed *shudder* twice and she then became his baby mama and then he dumped her to have sex with (and marry) *shudder muchly* BritneyI like to show my saggy vagina ALOT and shave my head and beat things with my Mary Poppins umbrella and then get skanky extensions and show my vagina again ALOT Spears and then implanted Shitney with more of his seed *Insert vomitting here* and then she became his baby mama too? Remember? Ya, snoresville but you have to listen to this because it quite frankly blows my mind how trashy and messed up some people truly are. Well, now, supposedly, allegedly, Shar Jackson is pregnant AGAIN with, you guessed it, Kevin’s baby. Ummmm what? So, let me get this straight. You Shar, had to have had sex AGAIN with K’Fed inorder to be implanted with his seed AGAIN and that my dear, is just gross. Makes my life seem so boring normal. Oh the fun. Good luck with that. I feel sorry for those children. All 36 of them. Meh.

Oh, I started weight training on Monday. And by that, I mean, I don’t have weights or training, so what I am saying is, I’m still doing alot of eating bonbons cleaning. Na, I’m just shitting you, I did start weight training. My husband bought this big home gym thingy and I have been using it. My arms are feeling like rubber, so I’m actually typing this all with my eyelashes. Yes, they are that long and pretty. Eat your hearts out.

I have to mow my lawn today. If I sound whiny, it’s because I am whiny and I’m not wanting to mow my lawn but unless someone wants to come and do it for me, then it’s just me and my mower. And my extension cord. And my garden gloves. And my giant bottle of vodka sunscreen. I suppose I should actually get off my ass and do it but that would mean I’d have to get off my ass and that sounds so lame and boring. And I’m clearly too fantastic to be either lame or boring. Oh the suffering I suffer.

Oh PS. I eloped 18 years ago today. Ah not with myself, but with a hot guy named Anthony. I mean sure, if I was going to elope with myself, I would because, who wouldn’t? What? Nevermind.

Posted by Sassy @ 12:48 pmJust Stuff.,White Trashy12 comments  






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