Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!

Archive for the 'Winter sucks balls' Category

December 16, 2008

The snow is so beautiful. By beautiful, I mean gross.

I am so not a winter person. However, being born and raised in Eastern Canada, I grew up with snow during the winter months, and sometimes the fall months and spring. Lots of it. When we moved to Western Canada, more specifically, Calgary, I learned to tolerate the winter months quite a bit better. Sure we get cold snaps (we’re in one hell of a one now), and we do get snow but usually it’s nothing compared to the east. But let’s just say that old bitch winter with all of her blowing and snowing decided to dump on us. I’m not happy. See? Please don’t tell me snow is ‘pretty’. Or ‘scenic’. I hate it:


Since we now live on a street where we’re on the sidewalk side, we have to make sure it’s shoveled or I guess someone comes kick your ass if you’ve not cleared the snow. Plus we have to make sure our walkway is cleared off or maybe the newspaper person comes to your door and falls on your step because it’s snowy and slippery and you get your ass sued. And of course we have to shovel our driveway or it’s hard to park our vehicles. All this bullshit shoveling is a bit of a problem for me. I only own nice boots with nice high heels and usually they’re not lined. I mean I’m looking for style not freakin’ warmth or practicality. That’s for the birds. Or the something or other.

Since my husband was going to be gone all day working, it was up to me to get the shoveling done. Or at least most of it. What do I wear on my feet? I can’t go out there with high-heeled ankle boots, I’ll break my bloody neck and get frost bite to boot (ha, see that play on words? Ya!) so I have to find something else to wear. I can’t wear sandals. I can’t wear pumps. I could wear sneakers – if I owned any. I hate sneakers. Well, I do have a pair of Guess sneakers (OH MY GOSH Y’ALL, LOOK AT ME NAME DROPPIN’) but they’re for working out in style and they’re really not sneaker sneakers because they have sequins and are all pretty with matching laces, not fug, plain white laces (no offense to plain white laces). Anyway, the only thing I could do – was put on my 12-year-old son’s boots. Mind you they were too big, but they were practical and warm. Perfect:


Yes, I had nice black dress pants on (because that’s what most people wear to shovel snow) and my son’s boots. Stylish to say the least. Uh, ya.

So there I was, out in freeze-your-balls-off-below-humanly-acceptable-temperatures, shoveling snow off the walkway so the freakin’ newspaper person doesn’t slip. Hey – we don’t even get the newspaper. At least I looked stylish from the neck up, you know, in my $10 sunglasses, $12 fake fur hat and $19 Gap scarf that doesn’t even belong to me:


Nothing will ever make me love snow. No person can ever change my mind about snow. I don’t like one thing about it – except when it melts.

In celebration of my hatred of snow, I bought a tee-shirt. The caption pretty much sums up what I’d like to say to snow. I let my gingerbread men speak for me:


Oh and I just realized – it’s only December 16th. Winter hasn’t even officially started. SUPER.

Posted by Sassy @ 11:07 pmGlamourous,Just Stuff.,Winter sucks balls2 comments  

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